Good things...

Some very good things have been happening since I have been home...

Yesterday... I got to see my sister graduate from college. Granted, it was like going to the zoo with the general population that was there, but none the less, I am very proud of her for making it through and getting a degree.

When I got home, it was too late to get to see my friend Jackie, so I tried calling some other people. I think I made 4 calls or something like that. No one called back and I didn't want to sit in the house while everyone was sleeping, so I took a ride to Cargo (the bar that I used to work at). The second I walked in I hear "hey, fuck you mother fucker, get out". Could it be? It was MIKE!!!! and MIKE!!! (yes, 2 Mikes). After that, I saw Leo, Kasie, Farrington, Danny, and nearly got tackled by Michelle. The best part was seeing Scott. He still owed me like $100. He didn't see me when I came in, so I walked up to him and was like "where the fuck is my money?" The look on his face was priceless. I hung out there for a little while, then Mike, Mike, and I went to a diner to grab a bite. I got home at 2am and went to sleep.

Today was good too. I woke up too late to really be able to do anything in the morning. We went out for dinner to celebrate Morgan's graduation... mmm chicken franchaise. Haven't had that in a damn long time.

After that, I met Alexandria for some coffee. I had a really good time with her. We hung out at Osato for about an hour or so, then just drove around talking about stuff. I didn't realize how much I missed her. She has been a really good friend since I moved out to Austin. And... I know she's probably gonna read this, oh well = ) she's alot prettier than I remember her especially her eyes, they are beautiful. Leo invited me to go see his band tonight, but they didn't go on until 11 and I was much happier to see Alex.

I spoke to Sara for close to 2 hours on the phone tonight. We talked about a lot of shit. I told her a lot of what is going on with me in TX... how I basically emotionally torture myself b/c of the guilt that I lay on myself and how I don't deserve to be happy. Some of the things that she said really helped me. She doesn't hate me. She doesn't resent me. She doesn't think that I am the biggest asshole in the world for leaving. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted. This is a good thing. It really shows me that all of the crap I have been giving myself for "leaving" is all for nothing b/c just as I have done Sara has also asked "would be still be together now?" We both come to the same answer... no. We have different reasons, but the outcome is the same. Again... a giant weight has been lifted... I didn't ruin her life.

Tomorrow is going to be busy... I am having breakfast with Nanny, then I need to buy some tickets for my father for a pre-sale for Queen (gay...)... then I am going to Manhattan to replace my Tibetan bracelet that I broke as well as to pick up some things at Pearl River to ship back to myself and also 2 shirts for people at work. I think I'm meeting Sara for lunch at like 1, and then I am meeting Jackie and her husband for dinner. I am really exited to see them. Sometimes you don't realize how much you have missed someone until you find them again. She was always a good friend to me.

I guess coming home and seeing all of these people that want to hang out with me is opening my eyes to the kind of person that I am. I am slowly starting to accept that fact that there is something in me that is worth sharing with other people. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. There is nothing about me that makes me undeserving of happiness.

I sit here listening to loud techno music and feeling better about life... things suddenly, aren't so bad anymore. I can smile...