Silly boy...

Oh Bryan... you are a fool. What are you doing? Why did you let yourself get even a little attached? Jackass...

Remember... feelings, emotions are temporary. A conjur of the mind which distracts from true nature. Don't be fooled be feelings or emotions.

Duh...

So we were laying there last night talking and I was pretty content.

Then her phone rang.

As soon as it did, I blew out the candle and laughed because I knew what was about to happen. She was going to get off the phone and tell me that she was leaving.

She came back into the room and told me she was leaving. Big suprise. Was I mad? No. This however, is a perfect case in point, in clear example of how attachment, want, and desire can trigger events in the body to make an person feel sadness.

After she got her stuff together, she asked me if I was mad a few times (to which I replied "No", because I was not). Then she was gone.

I went back in my room, relit my candle and sat Zazen for about 10 minutes trying to release the feelings that were coming up. I felt a little anger, not much, some sadness, but overall... just plain silly. I reminded myself of a few things. One of the most important of those things being that these feelings and emotions only affect Bryan, the person, the human, the bag of flesh... not me. I am just playing Bryan for a little while. We are all just playing parts for a while until we return to what we all really are.

In the end I laughed about it because after, nothing really matters. The tinge of pain that I felt, my lonliess, my sadness, my feelings of worthlessness... they don't matter. They are all fleeting as well as artificial. They are only real because I make a concious decision to make them real.

My feelings and emotions are just creations of my mind. They are temporary, they go away. So now, it becomes a question of learning to let go of them or letting them sit and cause unecessary stress. I have accetped the fact that I have no control what happens for this particular situation.