A Stark Contrast

It's a pretty relaxing Saturday. Victoria is out at her TKD class and I am home left to my own devices (tee-he). I was going though some journal entries that I made in google docs. This is stuff that I couldn't post here when I was working for <company that I used to work for> (I still wont mention the name, if you know me, you know who I used to work for). I found a journal entry that I made on 3.20.2008 regarding how I felt about work. It made me really happy to read over again because things are drastically different now. Here's the journal entry, edited only to remove the company's name:

I am really starting to not like myself while I am at work. I am not the person that I am outside of work in any way shape or form. At work, I am angry, pissed off, frustrated, short, and, what really bothers me the most is that I just really don't care about the work that I do. I honestly could really care less about any of the work that crosses my desk.

My only motivation to do any work is so that people will leave me alone. I have little to zero interest in almost any issue that comes into my queue. Couple this with the fact that I have completely fallen into the "cover your ass" mentality at work... I am not happy. I guess another factor is that I can just feel myself becoming less and less of a marketable employee as time goes on. It's starting to sound more and more true, what they say about <former company>. The longer you are here, the longer you will stay here. You get so pigeon holed into your special area that you completely loose site of the outside world.

What bugs me the most is that I can't just go out and get a developer job like I used. I have almost completely lost all of my skills in other areas. I am partly to blame for this as is <former company>. How in the world am I going to work 40-50 hours/week and have any interest in doing anything computer related by the time I get home???

Nothing... and I mean nothing in the world makes me as seethingly angry as work does. I got a god damn flat tire in the middle of Tennessee on the way to Lexington, had to drive an hour to an auto center, and spend $150 for 1 tire... 1 TIRE!!! and I was not even close to being as mad as I get on a daily fucking basis at this job.

So there it is. Let's review what is different:

1. I am no longer pigeon holed into any particular area or technology.
2. I am learning new things every day. Since my job now is half development and half services, not a day goes by where I don't learn at least one new thing about technology or web related software development.
3. Work does not make me angry any more. I now see the daily tasks that I have as challenges that I WANT to work on. There are times when I get frustrated, but in this sense, they are more like growing pains as I am constantly working with new things. I haven't wanted to smash something in months .
4. I am no longer working for the weekend. What a nice feeling. I can actually enjoy my time between 8am and 5pm everyday. What a concept.
5. I no longer feel like a worthless cog in a giant piece of shit machine. I actually take pride in the work that I do now. It isn't enough anymore more for me now to do the absolute minimum to remain in good standing. I want to better and I want to do more.
6. I don't feel the CYA or "if I do this for you, will you leave me alone" mentality anymore. I want to do things well and I want to be proud of what I do.

That's it I guess. It's like night and day.

In other news, I found this recipe this morning that I am going to try very soon. It looks delicious (in order to give proper credit, this came from LivinLaVidaLoCarb):

Mouthwatering Low-Carb Bacon & Cheese Cauliflower Better-Than-Potato Pancakes

LOW-CARB BACON & CHEESE CAULIFLOWER CAKES
1 head of cauliflower
1/2 stick butter (melted)
6 strips of crumbled bacon
3 Tbs sour cream
1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
Salt and pepper to taste
1 large egg
Cheese (optional topping)
Sour cream (optional topping)

Break up the cauliflower and place in a large pot of water. Cook on high heat to a boil for 20-30 minutes until very soft. When it reaches this consistency, put out paper towels across the counter and carefully pull the cauliflower out individually on the paper towels. Take more paper towels and place on top of the cauliflower. Gently press down to soak up the excess water in the cauliflower.

Grab a big bowl and place the cauliflower you just dabbed with the paper towels in it. Using a potato masher, thoroughly mash up the cauliflower until it is smooth. Add butter, bacon, sour cream, whipping cream, salt and pepper, and egg. Whip until well-blended.
Heat up a non-stick skillet to medium high, spray cooking spray or use butter to grease the bottom of the pan, and scoop the cauliflower mixture into the skillet. Cook the cauliflower patties for couple of minutes constantly scraping the sides. Gently flip and place cheese on top cooking for two more minutes.

Plate the cauliflower cake and put a dollop of sour cream on top.

ALTERNATIVE RECIPE OPTION: My wife Christine loves garlic and onions, so I added these to the cauliflower mix before the skillet step. It's not too bad, so you might try it!