Dear former job...

We need to talk.

Look, it's not you, it's me. Well... maybe it's somewhat you too.

Things started off really well. You were really popular. Everyone told me that you were the way to go. I believed them. I RELOCATED for you. Do you know how big that is?? I uprooted my ENTIRE life, lost my girlfriend... all for you.

We had some really good times. You let me be myself for a little while and you let me thrive and get a lot of stuff done. I learned a lot of stuff that was really helpful to me within the context of my work with you. I really appreciate that.

You told me you cared about my career. You told me that I was in control. I believed you.

Things started going downhill.

We were together, I would say, oh, about 2 years at the time. I was getting antsy and feeling ready for a change. I let you know about this and you told me that I would have to wait. What? I thought I was in control of my career. Hmmm.. ok, I'll let that one slide. Former job 1, me 0.

You let me talk to others within about the possibility of working with them. I soon found out that you lied. You LIED to me, former job. I started to see that all of the skills that you had taught me were absolutely WORTHLESS outside your warm and fuzzy context. Nobody cared about what I had learned during my time with you. They would look at my resume and say "great, what else do you know?".

So, I did what I could do, oh, former job. I moved departments within you thinking that things would get a lot better. I could use all of this useless information you had made me acquire over the past 2.5 years and perhaps thrive and grow some more. Things were actually great for the first few weeks. How happy I was to not deal with those retards on the phone all day. "Hi, how do I add numbers with code?"... please go die now. This happiness, however, was short lived.

Again, former job, you were right, and I was wrong. Former job 2, me, 0.

I was optimistic. The management structure seemed awesome. The job seemed like it was engaging and fun. Damnit... again, I was wrong. You 3, me, 0.

You gave me no training whatsoever on this new task. You basically said, "hey, you pretty much know what you're doing, right? whatever, go for it, I got shit to do...oh, and read this 600 page architectural document from 12 years ago..."

Um... ok, former job, that isn't cool. I thought we were friends?

As a result of your "non interventionalist" approach to my working for you, I left work almost everyday feeling like a frustrated, moronic, retarded, stoopid. I wanted to put my fist through something every fucking day that I left you. On top of this feeling of frustration and useless that I got all day, everyday, I also had people complaining and bothering me to work on the things that hey had submitted. Sure, I didn't have enough grief, just pile that on too. I can take it. I'm like a dump truck for annoyances and complaints.

Things started out so great. What has happened?!?!? What has become of us? How did it get to this point, former job?

Well, former job, I will tell you. You are VERY good and giving people the illusion that you care. You are VERY good at making people think that you actually care about their careers and their personal development. I see now, in hindsight, that this is all straight bullshit. That's right former job, you can't fool me anymore. My shroud o' ignornace has been lifted.

When you don't:

1. let people do what makes them happy...
2. let people move to a new position when they feel it is time (given a reasonable stint in current position)...
3. let people know that what they do is important...
4. let people know that their efforts in working 60 hours a week at times don't go unnoticed...
5. allow people to learn relevant a pertinent skills to the marketplace...
6. train people on the stuff that is critical to their job yet expect them to continue to produce...

... PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO "HANG IN THERE" AND STAY THE COURSE WITH YOU.

You can have the nicest managers, the best benefits, and even unlimited sick days. I LOVED the managers that you gave me, former job. I LOVED the flexibility that you provided me. I LOVED the unlimited sick days that you gave me. In spite of all this...

...I am leaving you.

You will not miss me, I know, and, the feeling is mutual. Just know, that it's for the best, for both of us.

And by the way your score, no longer matters. Bite me, former job. Me, 9,000,000,000, you nothing.

See you around.