Another DailyOM...

Read it... this is a good one:

April 4, 2008
Permission To Forgive Ourselves
Releasing Guilt

Learning to accept the things that we perceive as wrong can be a difficult task for many of us. Often we have been brought up to accept that it is normal to feel guilty about our actions and that by doing so we will make everything seem alright within ourselves. Even though we might feel that we have a reason to make up for the choices we have made, it is much more important for us to learn how to deal with them in a healthy and positive way, such as through forgiveness and understanding.

When we can look back at our past and really assess what has happened, we begin to realize that there are many dimensions to our actions. While feeling guilty might assuage our feelings at first, it is really only a short-term solution. It is all too ironic that being hard on ourselves is the easy way out. If we truly are able to gaze upon our lives through the lens of compassion, however, we will be able to see that there is much more to what we do and have done than we realize. Perhaps we were simply trying to protect ourselves or others and did the best we could at the time, or maybe we thought we had no other recourse and chose a solution in the heat of the moment. Once we can understand that dwelling in our negative feelings will only make us feel worse, we will come to recognize that it is really only through forgiving ourselves that we can transform our feelings and truly heal any resentment we have about our past.

Giving ourselves permission to feel at peace with our past actions is one of the most positive steps we can take toward living a life free from regrets, disappointments, and guilt. The more we are able to remind ourselves that the true path to a peaceful mind and heart is through acceptance of every part of our lives and actions, the more harmony and inner joy we will experience in all aspects of our lives.

This OM just makes me think of some things that I learned from reading "Way of the Peaceful Warrior":

- You have no control over your emotions as they will come and go like the weather. You can only control your actions regardless of what your emotions may tell you. "Being emotional" is not an excuse for not doing the right thing.

- Every decision you make is the right decision for you at the time that you make it. Whether you choose option A, B, or C, you will be lead down a path that will lead to wisdom. Honor that path as you can always learn from it.

- Do not stress over things that you cannot control. Everything happens for a reason whether the reason is obvious or not. I have seen this time and again in my own life. Things that I thought were horrible at the time turned out to be some of the best things that ever happened to me in retrospect.

- Life will present you with lessons as you travel along on your way. If you do not see them and learn from them, the lessons will become more severe until you are forced to see them. Pay careful attention to yourself; the way you react to things and the decisions you make. Be honest with yourself about why you do the things that you do. Look at your life from a third party perspective and analyze trends in your life: what kinds of partners do you pick? what kinds of decisions do you make with regard to your job?

In looking at this point, I found a particular trend in the kinds of partners I was picking to be with. I never realized it until recently, after my last break up.

Up until this point, almost every girl I had picked to be a girlfriend (with 1 or 2 exceptions) had been a girl that I felt needed to be taken care of and mostly came from a broken or unstable home. I won't go into any more detail as this is a public forum, but, and interesting trend indeed.

Because of this recognition, I feel that I was able to make a more informed choice, if you will, this time around. VIctoria is very different from most other girls I have been with. Her caring for my feelings, what I want, how I feel, astounds me. I thought that quality in women was pretty much dead. Indeed, it is a rarity, and I am happy that I have found it. I love her to death.

At any rate, I digress. If any of the 3 of you that read this blog haven't read that book, I highly recommend it. It can have it's somewhat cheesy parts, but overall there is a good deal of things anyone can learn from it.

Have a nice weekend!!