I got it...

I think I got it. I think I finally got it...

First off, let me start by saying that I am too happy to sleep. Now, a little background. I have been taking T'ai Chi classes for almost a year now, I would say. I have been learning moves up until this point, but tonight... tonight... something different happened.

As I was practicing, this overwhelming feeling of happiness just came over me. I realized a lot of things tonight, but I'll get to that in a minute. To sum it up, there is a baby screaming its head off outside, and I am not bothered in the least by it. I'm not in my own little world... I am not high... I just am....

Anyway... back to this feeling. As I am doing my forms, I am focusing on now. Here and now. I wasn't thinking about things from the past or what I am going to eat tomorrow for breakfast, or about how tomorrow is going to suck b/c it's Monday... I wasn't thinking about any of that. I was experiencing the moment for what it was... the air between my fingers, that carpet under my feet, the blood in my hands... I could feel it all and this was what happiness was tonight. My mind was free. Free from itself...

After this, I laid in bed and thought about my life and where it is right now. When I started working for... well... you know who I work for... one of my goals was to be making 100k by the time I am 30. To be honest, that doesn't seem all that important anymore. I have a job that enables me to do the things that I want to do, be flexible and have a life outside of work. For once in my recent life, I can finally say that I am happy where I am. Content. Not complacent. Happy. The only aspect that is missing is having my family here. I miss them terribly.

I compare the above to how I was feeling a year ago at this time and it is like night and day. I feel that I have come a long way and am proud of myself for doing so. I want to make every effort to have this feeling and attitude at all times in my life no matter what.

Even though I am still too wired to sleep... my girlfriend is in the bed all alone... she's sleeping... but still... she's all alone. I'm gonna go keep her company...

Good night...

What to do??

Man, I am bored. I was hoping to still be sleeping, but apparently it was imperative that guys stand around on my balconey at 9am on fucking Saturday morning doing ... whatever.

I have been working so much that I don't know what to do on my day off. I feel like I should be working. I mean... I know I shouldn't be but, like all I have done recently is work and go to kung fu. I do have the god damn fucking pinche piece of shit cell phone this weekend so, it may happen.. but hopefully not.

We went out last night for Stephanie's friend Tiffany's birthday. We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory. I used to like that place... now I am starting to not. I have been to the one here in Austin twice and both times, the service has been slow and the server's have been somewhat annoying.

Some good news... it looks like Stephanie is getting promoted at her other job. Apparently, she is going to be a manager in charge of recruiting people to work for them. That is awesome becuase it will be Monday - Friday, 9-5 and she won't have to work on the weekends. She also won't have to work 2 jobs anymore.

So... what's up for the weekend? Well, I would really like to clean up my apartment. It's a freaking mess. I have kung fu and tai chi from 130-330. Today is our 5 month anniversary, so hopefully we can go on a date = ). I think Steph's friend is having a party at his house tonight, so we might go to that. Tomorrow, I have no idea. I just hope that the fucking phone doesn't start ringing.

Im hungry...

Sorry...

Sorry blog, it's been a while.

Things are good. Except for my legs... my legs are really really... really sore. I started taking kung fu classes again... well... one class, but there will be more to come. Nice to be back...

I tested to brown sash in Tai Chi which means what? Now... I get to learn a form called Buddah Fist. Kick ass... I have been wanting to learn that one since I started. Finally... it's time. Also, I am going to a seminar in Kentuck next weekend to learn 2 Golden Leopard forms form the Grandmaster of our system. That is going to be a lot of fun.

In other news, Steph got a new car; a 2003 electric blue PT cruiser. It is very nice, I will post some pics later for you all to see. She was able to selll her old car to someone at her job which was very convenient for her. I hope I am that lucky when I decide to sell my car and get a new one. That should be pretty soon. I have managed to pay off 2 of my 3 credit cards. I owe a little over 2k now, so that shouldn't really be a problem.

I have been experiencing burnout from my job. I do and say stupid shit sometimes or just zone out. I am not a stupid person but sometimes I just act straight up dopey. Sometimes, I leave work and I can't even get my eyes to relax. There is so much tenseness that I can feel.. I try to release it, but I have a hard time. Eventually, it does go away, but I can see how it's a little annoying to people around me to be spacey at times. Hopefully this won't have to go on for too much longer.

I should probably get to work now... I do have some stuff to look at.

Peace out yo...

Oh... and enjoy the larger font... = )

A dream... or was it?

Ok first... heres a bigger font.. happy??

Second... this morning I had a very strange dream... or maybe it wasn't a dream at all. Basically, I couldn't speak and I couldn't move. This guy examined my cat, shook my hand, then turned into a cat himself and left. All the while I wanted to wake up and I couldnt.

Whoa...

Man, things are happening...

I have been getting more and more unhappy with my job. I am being worked ridiculously and there just doesn't seem to be an end in sight. Our managment has asked us (Jose and I) to create an application that will be used world wide here at this company. That is great. That gives us visibility... that makes people who would never know my name know my name.

It is coming up on the time that I can ask for my release from this horrible existence of customer support. I feel though that it is not going to be as easy as walking into my manager's office and requesting it. I know I am going to be dicked around like countless other people.

In light of this, I have posted my resume on Monster, HotJobs, and CareerBuilder. I am putting the feelers out. Amazingly, after only 2 days, I have been contacted by 2 recruites, received a response from a job that I applied to on CraigsList, and also have an interview with Amazon.com. Amazing what a year at a giant company will do for your resume... last time, I couldn't get shit.

Things have been excellent with Stephanie. Out first Valentine's day together was very nice. She got me an awesome blender that I can use to make her romantic things with = ). I got her some stuff from Bath and Body Works. We ate dinner from our favorite place (Wing N More) and watched a movie. It was a really nice night.

I have to say that she has been ultra supportive through this whole thing. She is willing to go anywhere with me and that means more to me than she can possibly know. She is excited for me... she cares about me... very different from previous instances. I love her so much...

Things are also good at the Kung Fu school. I should be testing for Brown sash the weekend after next. This weekend we are going to NYC for my cousin Michele's wedding. We are flying in on Saturday evening, she's getting married on Sunday, and we are leaving Tuesday morning... quick trip. Anyway... the weekend after next, I am going to be testing, like I said up there, for Brown sash. I have to be able to do the entire 64 form and Pa Qua sections 1-6. Piece of cake...

Time for lunch...