Feh

So, after a few months of really trying to enjoy my work, I have fallen back into the general "working for the weekend" or "do as little as you can do to not get noticed" mentality. I know what you are thinking "oh no, not another whiny, complaining blog entry about how much Bryan doesn't like working". No, my friend, not this time.

My general gripe is the lack of feeling of accomplishment/satisfaction that I experience on a daily basis. To put it really short and sweet, I was out sick yesterday (I should be today too, but am not) and I feel like I got the same amount accomplished as if I would have gone into the office and "worked". I suppose what I am saying is that my current work experience leaves me feeling empty and borderline ashamed by the end of the day.

I go to work everyday pretty much knowing that I am going to spend most of the twiddling my thumbs and being really confused while more people ask for more shit from me. The biggest problem that I feel is that I really just straight up don't care about the technology that my job entails which, by the domino affect, makes me not want to learn anything regarding said technology to become better at my job.

It's a vicious cycle and I really feel like I need to get out.

Some would say that you work for what you do after work. Meaning, I suffer during the day and do what I want at night and on the weekend. Why should it have to be like that? Why should I have to endure despising what I toil on from 8am-5pm? Why is that I have to feel embarrassed when I tell people where I work? Why is it that I have to force myself to do the smallest amount of work? Why is it that I have to spend all day not having a clue as to what I am doing nor caring that I have no clue as to what I am doing?

Another thing that really bothers me is the antiquated technology that I "use" in my current incarnation. For every unit of time that I spend there, I feel that I am becoming more and more out of touch with what the real world is using to get things done. Who the fuck is still using C?

The culture and mentality makes me sick. Creativity and "innovation" are not fostered. Well... outwardly they are, but good luck with your ideas. They will go into the void. Make sure you work your 60 hours a week on ... well, who the fuck knows and just keep pluggin' away. Oh, and did I mention to keep your head down while you do that so you don't see the rest of the world advancing around you? Yeah, do that too. The "cover your ass" mentality has really gotten to me. I do it, and I hate the fact that I do. I will give people answers just so they s.t.f.u and leave me the hell alone. I only help those that scream the loudest.

Clearly, I am disgruntled. Nothing I do at this place matters.

Maybe change will come soon. I am hoping.