Waiting in the airport (part II)...

So, now, I am waiting to go back to Austin. I am sitting at the last gate in Newark's illustrious "Terminal C". That's the one where you go all the way down to the end, the go down to the escalator, then wait sort in the basement like.

Anyway...

My trip was nice. It was really good to come home and see everyone. I was able to see some of my friends, but not all, and well, there is just never enough time. I will be home again on 12/21, for 9 days (for those of you mathematically challenged, that would be until 12/30). Hopefully, I will get to see some more people then.

I would like to point out, that not a single friend that I have up here has come to Austin to see me. Just want it to be noted. Meh...

There is so much that I want to write about, but well, I guess I just don't feel like it... later.

= (

Life is a series of moments right? For the most part, we don't remember dates or times, but moments.

If that is the case, then this is a sad moment for me. In this moment, it feels like some of the major things in my life have fallen or are falling apart. I will not elaborate any more than that. Those close to me know what I am talking about.

There are some things in my life that I really miss that are going away or gone. I know what you are thinking, but it's more than that. One of the things that I miss in particular is the feeling of enjoying what I spend most of my life on from the hours of roughly 8am-5pm, 5x/week. Oh well...

Hopefully this sad moment will pass soon.

Quicky...

"Nothing is less important than a score at half-time."

Waiting at the airport...

So I'm sitting in the airport waiting to go home to my house in NYC. I am very much looking forward to going home given the impact that recent events have had on my life.

Thanksgiving was pretty nice yesterday. I went to Jose's house to meet him and Lucy, Rafa, and his family. We then all went over to some guys house that I think I have met once or twice over at Jose's place. They were really nice people and very welcoming. I felt very comfortable in their house. It was really nice of them to let me come. It kinda sucks when you don't have your family here, but, what can you do. They have always been my TX family. I guess in my case, I am lucky in the fact that I did get to choose my family. Most can't.

It was really weird getting ready to leave today. I actually put my car in my garage. I have never done that before. It was weird. It was also strange to get someone to watch my cats for me. I guess there is a lot of stuff that I will have to get used to.

Anyway... back to Thanksgiving yesterday. Sorry for the tangential digression. This house that we went to was beautiful. It was giant and decorated beautifully. I don't think I have ever had the desire to decorate a house as this was, but it looked like a model home. In fact, the family seemed like a model family. Come to think of it, all of the people there seemed to be model people. Stepford almost in a way. It was nice, but disturbing a little at the same time. Oh well, what can you do. I have to admin I am slightly envious of people with perfect lives.

I guess nothing is really perfect though, despite appearances. I don't wish anything bad for them, I don't even know where I am going with this.

I have been feeling weird lately... sad but not. Happy but not. Everything but no, but it seems mostly my feeling seem to cancel each other out.

Thank you Silversun Pickups, you have helped... more later...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Just wanted to post to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. For those of you who I cannot be with today, you are certainly in my thoughts; at the forefront of my thoughts. I hope you all have a great day off and enjoy some time well spent with your families.

As for me, I will be heading over to my friend Jose's house to then go over to someone else. I think Rafael and his family will be there too. It will be nice to see them as it has been a really long time since I have.

Last night was pretty fun. I reconnected with a friend, actually a friend's sister that I met about 10 years ago but spoke to on and off. This is nothing serious or romantic, just a friend, but it was nice to talk. I found out that she actually moved to Killeen, TX which is about 1 hour north of me. I talked to her for a bit then went to Sherlock's.

I met a friend from Kung Fu there and I invited Nik as well. It was a little weird that my friend brought his parents, but I guess I understand why. Apparently, the last time he was there, a woman that could be classified as a "cougar" was there and all over him. I think he told his parents about this and it actually made them a little mad. I think that he wanted to show them. I dunno...

Nik and I left Sherlock's around midnight to go kill things using his PS3. Heavenly Sword is one of the most fun games I have ever played.I want it. I want it really bad. There is nothing more hot than a, well, really hot chick that can thrown around giant life endangering swords (dork alert, I know... )...

Anyway... other than eating a bit today, I am just getting ready to go home tomorrow.

That is all... be safe everyone!

Today's OM... this is a good one...

Awakening The Inner Warrior
Stoking The Fire Within

There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary. There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.
A warrior is someone with the strength to stand up for what he or she believes; someone who perseveres in the face of challenges and obstacles; someone who speaks and acts in the service of an ideal; someone who protects those who are too weak to fight for themselves. Regardless of the reasons for an underdeveloped inner warrior, you may begin to notice the lack of its fiery, protective presence and wish to awaken it. You may need to stand up for yourself in a certain relationship or situation, or you may have a vision you want to realize, and you know you will need the courage, energy, and strength of a warrior to succeed. Similarly, if you find that you often feel scared, anxious, or powerless, rousing this sleeping ally may be just the antidote you need.
One excellent way to cultivate the presence of your inner warrior is to choose a role model who embodies the qualities of bravery, strength, and vitality. This person could be a character in a myth, movie, or book, or a historical or living person you admire. Simply close your eyes each day and contemplate the quality of energy that attracts you to this person, knowing that the same potential lives within you. Confirm for yourself that you are capable of handling this energy responsibly, and stoke the fire of your own inner courage.

...

I close both locks below the window.
I close both blinds and turn away.
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

And the sun will set for you,
And the sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in grey,
And the sun will set for you...

In cards and flowers on your window,
Your friends all plead for you to stay.
Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

And the sun will set for you,
And the sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you..

And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you..

And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you.

About to go to sleep...

I thought I would write a bit before I went to sleep.

Today turned out to be a pretty good day. I ended up leaving work around 530 or so. When I got to my school, I started off with Chen Tai Chi. It felt better to me today than it ever has. It took me a total of 25 minutes to get through the whole thing. That is a rarity, but it really helped me to get my mind of things.

My class went well too. I had 3 students finish up on Tai Chi 24. I then helped someone finish "Buddha Fist" and then another student get a handle on some Pakua.

As I was leaving, my friend Tommy says, "what, no food?". So, I ended up going to Kirby Lane to get some food with Tommy and Elizabeth. That is good b/c I didn't really feel like cooking anything. I just got something light.

I am not looking forward to my 7am meeting tomorrow. I am not a fan of Tuesdays. I think that tomorrow night, we are going to see Beowulf. I am sure that will be fun.

So tired... going to sleep.

It's cloudy...

... both outside as well as in. I hope the sun comes out soon.

Interesting part of a book...

I have been reading "Living on Purpose" by Dan Millman (same guy that wrote "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"). I think that everyone should read this book. I read a part this morning that seemed very apropos at this time in my life.

Question: I am reasonably intelligent, but all my life I've agonized over decisions - who to date, which college, which guy, how many children. And the decisions I needed to make on my children's behalf were the hardest of all. How can I learn an easier way to make decisions?

Answer: Nowhere is it written that decisions are supposed to be easy. Every choice requires a combination of intellect, intuition, and gut instinct. And the more important the decision, the hard it seems. Why? Because perceived importance increases our fear of making the wrong choice and what that might mean. When choosing between two brands of cereal, I doubt you agonize, because you know that choosing the wrong cereal won't bring the sky crashing down. But will selecting the wrong college, or sweetheart, or job mean catastrophe? How can you know this? Faith reminds us that every decision we make can server our highest good and learning - that every choice leads to wisdom.

Ever wonder what would have happened if you had made difference choices in the past? - turned right instead of left, said yes instead of no? If you had made different choices some things might have turned out better - and others, maybe worse. As H.L. Mencken said, "We are here and it is now; all other knowledge is moonshine." You have chosen this life, this path, this moment. Are we here to make infallible decisions so that things always work out the way we hope or expect? Or is our life about learning, discovery and wisdom? We is a wrong decision, anyway? If you choose what's behind Door Number One instead of Door Number Two, and you go through a tough time - does that necessarily mean you made the wrong decision? Is the easier path always the best choice? These questions may be worth considering - not because they bring certainty, but because they point to mystery.

There are no wrong choices; only those we regret. Like the story about three teachers, sitting around a faculty lounge when an angle appears and says to the senor teacher, "You have dedicated your life to enriching the lives of countless young people and you deserve a wish fulfilled. Choose between great wealth, great wisdom, or great beauty."

"I choose great wisdom," responded the teacher, who began to glow with refined light as the angel disappeared.

The other two teachers spoke in unison: "Say something!" they asked.

Eyes shining with the light of expanded awareness, the teacher turned to them and pronounced, "I should have taken the money".

Shoulds aside, from a higher perspective, wrong decisions do not exist. Some choices lead up one path and some down another, but every road leads to lessons, and every lesson leads to wisdom. I can't give you any special techniques to make unerring decisions, whatever that might mean; I only remind you that whatever decision you make is perfect for you at the time. Your decisions also become part of the fabric of your children's lives, and others' as well - all a natural part of your schooling. Can you know for certain what is ultimately best? No, you cannot. So it seems a good operating principal to rely on mystery and live on faith that every choice leads to wisdom.

Ups and Downs

I used to watch "Married with Children" a lot when I was younger. I remember an episode in particular where Alphonse Hercules Bundy AKA Al Bundy had a really awesome streak of good luck. For the entire episode though, he could not bring himself to enjoy it because he knew that whenever he had good luck, bad luck was following close behind. Everything good that happened to him would be followed by an equally bad sequence of events.

I remember, a few months ago, writing about how everything was going really well. The house was good, I loved my job, everything relationship-wise was going well both personal and public. I also remember saying to myself, "enjoy this now, it probably won't be around forever". It seems at this point, I was right.

Much like Al, I am hitting a rough spot. I wouldn't say that I am anywhere near where Al was in terms of the bad. I mean... he was gambling against the mob and winning (Royal Flush, if I remember correctly). As soon as he won, a whole slew of bad stuff happened to him. This isn't totally the case with me. Nothing really horrible is happening, just well, not great.

I suppose this brings up the idea of ups and downs, good and bad, cyclical times in our lives. Who is to say what is good and what is bad? These are labels that we apply to things to mold our reality into something that we can handle; something that we can cope with. We apply these labels to things and then make up reasons to support said label in an attempt to make things right for us, in our own heads.

Case in point. I thought moving to Texas was going to be really bad. Really, REALLY bad! I could have thought of a million reasons as to why I should not go. A million reasons as to why I would fail and why I should just straight up not do it. But now, I look back and can see that I could not have been more wrong. In hindsight, it was actually really good.

For a while, I enjoyed being happy with every single thing and aspect in and of my life. I guess this reinforces the idea that all things pass. Good passes and so shall the bad. Everything passes. Even us.

Paths

Everyone has their own path. It is laid before them, at all times. You can choose to either see this path or not. Maybe your choice is made consciously or maybe it isn't. Regardless, your path is there whether you choose to see it or not. Don't confuse path with destiny or lack of free will. I am pretty sure that you have free will while you are on the path, but, decisions that you make can either keep you on or distract you from said path.

At various points in your life, you will meet other people. I know, you meet people everyday, but I'm talking about important people. Life changing people. You may think that their path is now yours or yours is now theirs, but look more closely. There are ALWAYS two paths. ALWAYS. They do not become one, they intertwine. Eventually, they will separate.

The separation is not necessarily a bad thing.

People attach meanings to things and events that aren't always correct, yet when then events happen, we have this compulsion to "feel" a certain way. Take the example of the child that falls down. Perhaps he hasn't yet been conditioned to think that falling down is "bad". He's not hurt. He gets up and carries on his merry way. Now, take that same child a few years later. He falls down, is not hurt, but thinks for a second, and starts crying. Why? Because he has learned that falling down is a bad thing. Where did he learn this? Who knows... where did YOU learn it?

I digress. The point here is that your life is about you. You and only you control your theater of experience. Although you are not in control over what thoughts and emotions arise within you, you ARE in control of the actions that you take regardless of what emotions are present. You need to take right actions despite what thoughts and emotions you might be thinking/feeling. This what being an adult is.

Anyway... I think I have rambled long enough. It's time to get some stoopid work done.

Missing home...

As I was driving home today, all I could think about was how I wish my family was here. I miss them...