Is this my curse? Will emptiness and unhappiness forever follow me wherever I go in whatever I do? I looked to see what google has to say about what emptiness means and here is one of the definitions:
The Sanskrit word is Sunya. One of the key concepts in Buddhism. Emptiness is an abstract idea representing impermanence, unreality, instability, transience and relativity in the nature of all existence. The doctrine states that all phenomena and the ego have no reality, but are composed of a certain number of Skandhas or elements, which disintegrate. The doctrine also states that everything is unstable, possessing no self-essence or self-nature, i.e., its own existence dependent or caused by the conditions of others' existence. Emptiness is not nothing, but it is the condition of existence of everything. It permeates all phenomena making possible their evolution.
Interestng huh? So... according to this, emptiness is a good thing. Maybe it is. Maybe I will evolve... but I think there is something deeper going on here. What part of me, and more importantly WHY is there a part of me that feels that it is not right for me to be happy... that it is not right for me to smile? What is wrong with me and what happened to me to make me have this problem? Would I still have this problem if I had never left NY or has moving brought this to light?
Nothing matters. Nothing is permanent. Things live and die and time never stops. In the grand sceme of things, we are nothing. Think about that one for a while.
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1 comments:
ok so you say we are nothing. I have to tell you, i dont agree. i think what you need to do is change your perspective on life. thinking ahead would lead anybody to say, "yes we're just a spec of dirt on this earth" but how is that a way to live life?? That is NOT the way to live life. Live life for the now, the family that loves and adores you that yes, lives in ny but would do anything to make you smile and feel the love in your heart that we feel for you every second of every day. think about that for a while... emptiness is just an excuse to stop living. Bryan, you are not empty, you just have to find yourself again. I know deep inside you is the bryan that kicked me in the neck, that stuffed me in a pampers box, that loved me and cared for me so much and i dont believe you are empty. i believe youre searching for a higher meaning to your life and you need to enlighten yourself, believe that you are strong. I think love can rise above all, so know that yes people live people die - time goes on.. well our love and support for you wil never die and i will not let you feel like this.
Idiot :)
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